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in  2016 


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The  Foty graft  Album 


Shown  to  the  New  Neighbor  by 
Rebecca  Sparks  Peters 
Aged  Eleven 


Drawings  and  Text  by 

Frank  Wing 


Chicago 

The  Reilly  & Britton  Co. 


Copyright,  1915 
by 

The  Reilly  & Britton  Co. 


First  Edition  Published  May  7,  1915 
Second  Edition  Published  Aug.  23,  1915 
Third  Edition  Published  Nov.  10,  1915 
Fourth  Edition  Published  Dec.  15,  1915 
Fifth  Edition  Published  Jan.  5,  1916 
Sixth  Edition  Published  May  1,  1916 


“ Why,  how  d’do,  Mrs.  Miggs?  Come  right 
on  in.  Ma’s  jist  run  over  t’  Smith’s  a minute 
t’  borruh  some  thread  and  some  m ’lasses  and 
a couple  uh  aigs.  Aw!  yes,  come  on  — she’ll  be 
right  back.  Let’s  see:  S’pose  we  set  on  th’ 

sofa  and  I’ll  show  yuh  th’  album,  so’s  yuh’ll 
kinda  begin  t’  know  some  of  our  folks.  We 
like  t’  be  real  neighborly  and  make  new  folks 
feel  t’  home.  There!  now  we’re  fixed. 

“ This  here  first  one’s  ma  when  she  was  little. 
Ain’t  she  cute?  Her  Uncle  Seth  kep’  a store  up 
t’  Davenport  and  he  give  her  them  furs.  Real 
mink,  I think  it  was. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  Aunt  Mary  Jane  Darnell.  Her  jimp- 
son- weed  salve  and  peach  perserves  was  th’ 
best  he  ever  see,  pa  says.  She  couldn’t  abide  a 


man  that  primped.” 


“ Them’s  grampa  and  gramma  Sparks,  ma’s 
pa  and  ma.  Grampa  liked  bees  and  made  lots 
of  money  ofiTm  honey.  He  was  awful  good  t’ 
gramma. 

4 ‘ Ma  says  you  kin  alius  trust  a bee  man.  ’ ’ 


“ Here’s  Ferdinand  Ashur  Peebles,  a favo- 
rite cousin  of  ma’s.  He  ain’t  got  much  time 
fer  them  ’t  ain’t  so  good  as  what  he  is,  so  pa 
don’t  like  him  so  very  well.  Says  he’s  a hip- 
percrit.  One  time  ma  was  showin’  this  pitch- 
ure  t’  somebody  and  she  says,  4 This  is  a boy 
we’re  proud  of:  Cousin  Ferd,  full  of  good 

works — ’ * and  prunes,’  pa  puts  in,  and  it  made 
ma  awful  mad. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ Them’s  pa’s  pa  and  ma,  grampa  ’n’  gramma 
Peters.  Jist  look  at  her  feet!  All  her  folks 
toes  in  — even  pa,  some,  but  he  denies  it.  Gram- 
pa’s  got  a turribul  temper.  Onct  he  was  up  in 
a tree  a-sawin’  out  limbs  and  a little  branch 
scratched  him  onto  his  head  and  he  turned 
round  quick’s  a wink,  a-snarlin’,  and  bit  it  right 
smack  off.  Fact!  ” 


“That’s  Sophrony  Ann  Gowdey,  kind  of  a 
distant  cousin  of  ma’s.  She’s  gifted  weth  th’ 
secont  sight.  Onct  when  grampa  lost  his  false 
teeth  they  called  her  in  and  she  set  right  here 
in  this  room  and  tranced  and  after  a bit  she 
woke  up  suddent  and  says,  wild  like,  ‘ Seek  ye 
within  th’  well!  ’ she  says;  so  they  done  it,  but 
they  didn’t  find  ’m.  But  only  a week  after- 
wards, when  they  cleaned  th’  cistern,  there 
them  teeth  was.  Pa  says,  ‘ Well,  anyhow, 
Phrony  knowed  they  was  in  th’  damp,’  he  says. 


“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  Uncle  Mel  Burgstresser.  Don’t  he 
look  like  Charles  Dickens,  th’  great  Scotch 
poet,  though?  I think  he  does,  exactly.  He’s 
ma’s  uncle,  but  he’s  sich  a nice  man  that  even 
pa  likes  him.  They  can’t  nobody  help  likin’ 
him,  he’s  so  nice;  but  ever ’body  laughs  at  him, 
he  says  sich  blunderin’  things  sometimes.  Onct 
when  Aunt  Alviny  (that’s  his  wife)  was 
a-makin’  oyster  soup,  Uncle  Mel  he  come  and 
looked  over  her  shoulder  and  says,  ‘ Put  lots  o’ 
water  in  it,  mother,  ’cause  I’m  hungry,’  he 


) i 


says. 

“ Turn  over. 


“ That’s  my  cousin,  Willie  Sparks,  same  age 
as  me  — but  not  when  that  pitchure  was  took. 
He  wasn’t  only  9 then.  Don’t  he  look  awful 
meek?  But  mebbe  you  think  he  ain’t  got  a 
temper!  One  time  when  his  pa  come  home 
from  work  after  dark  and  Willie  ain’t  got  his 
chores  done,  he  scolded  him,  and  when  Willie 
brung  in  th’  coal  fer  th’  kitchen  stove  he  was 
cryin’  and  he  jist  hauls  off,  he’s  s’  mad,  and 
kicks  th’  stove  an  awful  welt,  and  says,  4 Yuh 
will  burn  coal,  will  yuh!  ’ he  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


” That’s  ma’s  cousin,  Rebecca,  and  her  man, 
took  th’  day  they  was  married.  Him  and  her 
quarreled  somethin’  awful,  she  gener’ly  havin’ 
th’  upper  hand.  I was  named  after  her.” 


“That  there’s  Peletiah  Parrett,  a friend  of 
pa’s  since  they  was  boys.  He’s  a singin’  school 
teacher  and  he’s  been  to  our  house  lots  of  times, 
but  he  lives  at  Ohio.  He  kin  sing  awful  good. 
You’d  jist  ort  t’  hear  him  sing  — well,  I fergit 
what  th’  name  of  th’  piece  is  but  it  goes  like 
this: 

‘ ‘ ‘ Three  dretful  groans  he  heered 
And  then  her  ghost  appeared 
From  head  t’  foot  besmeared 
Weth  purple  gore.’  ” 


“ Pa's  cousin  Stella,  dressed  up  in  some  of  her 
ma’s  old  clothes  fer  a mask  ball.  Pa  drawed  in 
that  streak  and  that  printin’.  He’s  a reg’lar 
artist  and  he  ain’t  never  had  a lesson  in  his  life, 
neither. 

“ He  calls  this  pitchure  4 Stella  as  Ajax  defyin’ 
th’  lightnin’ ! ’ ” 


“ Here’s  Deacon  Samuel  Phillips.  He  mar- 
ried ma’s  greatuncle  Myron’s  widow,  but  I 
don’t  know  what  relation  that  makes  him  t’  us. 
He’s  an  awful  good  man,  but  dost.  Pa  says 
onct  he  got  an  awful  jolt  t’  Chicago,  where  him 
and  some  other  men  went  t’  sell  their  stock.  It 
seems  that  after  they  got  their  tradin’  done 
they  went  down  town  t’  one  of  them  stylish 
hotels  fer  dinner.  Deacon  hadn’t  never  been  in 
one  of  them  places  before  and  didn’t  know  noth- 
in’ ’bout  ’m.  There  was  breaded  veal  cutlets 
on  th’  bill-of-fare  and  Deacon  liked  ’m,  so  he 
ordered  ’m,  along  with  a lot  of  other  stuff,  with- 
out noticin’  th’  price.  Bimeby  th’  bill  come, 
and  it  was  fer  two-fifty.  * Two-fifty!  ’ the  dea- 
con hollers.  ‘ Why  Heck!  man,  I kin  buy  a calf 
fer  that  money!  ’ he  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ Ma’s  cousins,  Delmer  and  Beezum  Morse. 
‘ Th’  Sausage  Brothers,’  pa  calls  ’m,  ’count  of 
their  shape.  But  they’re  awful  stout,  and  good 
rasslers,  both  of  ’m,  ’specially  th’  littlest  one, 
Delmer.  Onct  him  and  Beezum  got  t’  rasslin’ 
in  th’  parlor  and  Delmer  throwed  Beezum  in 
th’  coal  box  and  broke  his  rib.” 


“ That’s  pa’s  Aunt  Amanda  Merritt  Bur- 
rows. Me  and  my  brother  Frank  alius  run  and 
hide  when  we  see  her  cornin’,  ’cause  she  alius 
kisses  a feller  and  wants  ’m  t’  pick  her  some 
berries,  or  somethin’.  That’s  her  long  suit, 
though,  as  pa  says  — berries.  Pa  says  she  won’t 
be  happy  in  parry dise  without  they’ve  got  ber- 
ries there;  says  he  bets  there’ll  be  a great  old 
scramblin’  amongst  th’  angels,  too,  t’  keep  from 
gittin’  kissed. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ Ed  and  Charley  Peters,  pa's  cousins  down 
t’  Peory.  They're  th’  stylishest  relations  we 

got.” 


MMv 

HE>  ^ 

Ipplll"  " **- 
K f * * 


“ Wilbur  Peebles,  that  is.  He's  ma’s  cousin. 
Ain’t  he  got  funny  hair?  One  time  he  went  t’ 
sleep  in  meetin’  and  pa  took  and  done  up  his 
hair  weth  yalluh  ribbons  off’m  cigars.  Pa  says 
Wilbur  looked  awful  comical  — jist  like  a 
horse’s  mane  at  th’  fair.  And  Wilbur’s  awful 
absent  minded.  Onct  he  was  t’  our  house  alone 
and  he  decided  he’d  go  down  town,  so  he  left  a 
note  t’  let  ma  know.  It  said,  ‘ Gone  down  town. 
Will  be  back  at  five.  Have  hid  key  under  mat.’ 
Wasn’t  that  silly? 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  my  little  cousin,  Johnnie  Aiken,  down 
t’  Brimfield.  Ain’t  he  cute?  He’s  jist  th’  worst 
little  feller  t’  ast  questions  yuh  ever  see.  And 
th’  funniest  ones!  Onct  th’  persidin’  elder  was 
t’  their  house  and  he  hadn’t  no  more’n  said 
th’  blessin’  till  Johnnie  ups  and  says,  ‘ Say,  pa, 
how  fur  kin  a cat  spit?  ’ he  says.” 


“ That’s  Aunt  Minervy  Hopkins,  pa’s  aunt. 
She  believed  in  sperrits. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ Uncle  Jed  Doty  and  his  wife,  Aunt  Phoebe. 
He’s  ma’s  half-brother  and  he’s  an  awful  good 
singer.  Ust  t’  travel  weth  Doc  Lighthall. 
He’s  handsome,  too,  I think;  but  Aunt  Phoebe 
ain’t  very.  Ma  says  she  ust  t’  be  awful  purty 
till  after  she  had  th’  rheumatism  s’  bad,  but  pa 
says  he  guesses  she  must  a-had  it  before  ever 
he  see  her.” 


“ Cousin  Willie  Peebles,  a nice  little  feller, 
but  funny.  That  there  jaw  ain’t  swelled.  Jist 
nacherul.  Pa  says  Willie’s  th’  mumpiest  look- 


in’ boy  he  ever  see.” 


“ Uncle  Charley  Sparks,  that  is.  He’s  awfully 
witty.  Onct  when  Aunt  Kate  said  she  liked 
a clock  fer  company,  its  tick  was  s’  com- 
fortin’, and  gramma  said  she  liked  a dog  better, 
Uncle  Charley  he  ups  and  says,  f Would  yuh 
want  th’  dog  t’  have  ticks,  ma?  ’ he  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That's  Uncle  Abner  Sedley.  He’s  th5  most 
stubborn  person  in  our  fambly,  even  if  he  is  a 
preacher.  One  time  last  winter  he  got  awful 
mad  at  a church  meetin’  ’cause  things  didn’t 
go  his  way  and  stomped  out,  yellin’,  4 My  hands 
is  clear;  I wash  my  skirts  of  th’  whole  matter!  ’ 
he  says.  Then  he  found  he’d  f ergot  his  specs 
and  he  had  t’  sneak  back  in  and  git  ’m,  weth 
ever ’body  snickerin’.  I guess  he  felt  purty 


cheap. 

“ Turn  over. 


“ That’s  my  cousin,  Edna  Sparks.  She  ain’t 
very  smart  and  she’s  got  a voice  that’s  a terror 
to  snakes,  but  her  ma  thinks  she  kin  sing  and’s 
alius  sickin’  her  on  t’  do  it.  Pa  says  onct  th’ 
silly  thing  says  when  her  ma  was  urgin’  her 
before  comp’ny,  4 Aw,  ma,  I can’t  sing,  my  hands 
is  chapped.’  I don’t  believe  she  ever  done  it, 
though.  Jist  another  of  pa’s  jokes,  I bet. 


“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  ma’s  brother,  Uncle  Billy  Sparks. 
Ain’t  he  handsome?  Jist  take  a look  at  them 
eyes.  And  he’s  smart,  too  — smart  as  Uncle 
Charlie,  purty  nigh.  Onct  his  mother-in-law 
come  t’  see  ’em  and  staid  a long  time  and  was 
awful  cross  and  Uncle  Billy  got  tired  of  it  and 
took  and  put  a wad  of  cotton  in  her  ear  trumpet 
so  she  couldn’t  hear  a thing,  and  she  thought 
she  was  goin’  plumb  deef  and  left  that  day  fer 
home  to  see  her  doctor.  Wasn’t  that  cute  of 
him?  ” 


“ That  there’s  ma’s  greatuncle  Peter.  He  was 
awful  well  off,  and  proud  of  it.  Onct  when 
th’  minister  was  raisin’  money  t’  pay  fer  th’ 
new  church  he  preached  and  he  preached,  right 
at  Uncle  Pete,  purty  nigh,  and  bimeby  Uncle 
Pete  he  got  up  from  his  front  corner  seat  and 
turned  round  toward  th’  people  and  hollered, 
‘ I’ll  give  another  hunderd  dollars  t’  th’  Lord, 
and  yuh  all  know  I kin  pay  it!  ’ he  says. 

‘ ‘ Turn  over.  ’ ’ 


4 4 That’s  Uncle  Jerry  Sparks,  ma’s  brother. 
He  was  a lieutenant  of  artil’ry.  Pa  says  ef  he 
was  a rebel  and  seen  Uncle  Jerry  cornin’  weth 
that  ’spression  onto  his  mug*  he  wouldn’t  only 
hit  fh’  high  places.” 


1 


44  That’s  Evans  Billhorn,  a cousin  of  ma’s  by 
his  first  wife.  He  ust  t’  keep  a butcher  shop 
down  t’  Peory  and  he  was  so  strong  he  could 
throw  down  a steer.  Onct  pa  made  a mistake 
talkin’  t’  Evans.  Evans  was  a-braggin’  ’bout 
how  he  could  rassle,  and  pa  ups  and  says, 
‘ Huh!  you  couldn’t  throw  nothin’  but  a fit,’  he 
says.  Say!  it  never  took  less  ’n  two  doctors  t’ 
fix  all  th’  things  about  pa  that  was  broke.” 
“ Still,  Evans  is  most  awful  clumsy,  too.  One 
time  when  he  was  t’  our  house  he  knocked  off 
a real  cluny  vase  of  ma’s  and  broke  it  and  his 
wife  says,  4 Evans  Billhorn,  th’  next  time  I take 
you  anywheres  I’ll  crate  yuh!  ’ she  says.  Pa 
kep’  a piece  of  that  vase  fer  a long  time.  4 Pore 
feller  suff’rer,’  he  called  it. 


4 4 Turn  over.  ’ ’ 


/ 


4 5 That’s  Perfessor  Tweedie.  He  teaches  pen- 
manship and  he  knows  Shakespeare  better  ’n 
old  Mahomet  knowed  th’  Koran,  pa  says.  Ain’t 
he  a hairy  feller,  though?  Onct  him  ’n  Frank 
Mendenhall  was  a-doin’  Brutus  and  Cassius 
wrapped  up  in  sheets  in  Liberty  Hall  and  when 
Prof  says,  4 Here  is  muh  dagger  and  here  muh 
naked  breast,’  pa  hollers  out,  ‘ Git  a shave, 
Prof!  ’ Well,  sir,  it  purty  nigh  busted  up  th’ 
show.  ’ ’ 


“ That’s  Cousin  Flora  Burgstresser.  She’s 
th’  belle  of  Beardstown.  Her  hair’s  so  long  she 
kin  set  on  it.  Onct  a hair  tonic  company  offered 
her  a pile  of  money  — most  a hunderd  dollars 
— fer  her  pitchure  fer  their  adver-tise-ment,  but 
she  wouldn’t. 

“ Them  society  ladies  don’t  like  notority.” 


44  That’s  Winfield  Scott  Zachary  Taylor 
Peebles,  ma’s  cousin.  He  was  named  fer  two 
heroes  of  th’  rev-lutionary  war,  I think  it  was; 
anyway,  he  could  alius  think  of  th’  noblest 
things  t’  say!  Onct  when  he  was  in  th’  war  an 
officer  died  and  they  put  Cousin  Win  in  his 
place,  so  that’s  how  he  got  t’  be  a corporal. 
First  thing  he  says  was,  after  th’  president  or 
whoever  it  was  give  him  th’  place,  4 Boys,’  he 
says,  4 if  I fall  in  this  day’s  battle,  march  over 
muh  dead  corpse  as  you  would  that  of  a com- 
mon private!  ’ he  says. 

44  Turn  over.” 


“ Uncle  Adoniram  Burgstresser,  ma’s  uncle. 
He  was  a farmer  and  hardshell  preacher.  Onct 
when  ma  says,  ‘ Uncle  Ad  was  a power!  ’ pa 
says,  ‘ Git  out!  You  don’t  mean  power,  you 
mean  pow-wower.’  That  made  ma  purty  mad, 
I tell  you.  Uncle  Ad  was  awful  dost.  One 
time  he  went  into  a hardware  store  t’  git  a tin 
cup  and  after  he’d  looked  careful  at  sev’ral  he 
says,  ‘ How  much  is  this  one?  ’ ‘ Nickel,’  says 

th’  storekeeper.  Then  Uncle  Ad  says,  ‘ I s’pose 
yuh  make  th’  usual  reduction  t’  th’  clergy?  ’ he 


> > 


says. 

“ Turn  over. 


That  there’s  Emma  Beale.  She’s  an  awful 
nice,  refined  lady.  Why,  one  time  when  her  pa 
was  a-runnin  ’ a tailor  shop  and  Emma  was 
workin’  there,  pa  took  a pair  of  pants  t'  have 
’m  pressed  fer  a weddin’  and  when  he  went  t’ 
git  5m  Emma  says,  1 Mr.  Peters,'  she  says,  ‘ did 
you  know  there  was  a hole  in  one  of  th’  limbs 
of  yer  trousers?  ' she  says.  And  pa,  he  jist  haw- 
hawed  right  in  her  face,  th'  old  coarse  thing!  99 


“ I don’t  know  who  them  fellers  are,  ’cept  that 
big  one  in  front  there.  That’s  Ole  Ensgaard. 
Ust  t’  be  my  Uncle  Joe’s  hired  man.  After- 
wards he  went  up  t’  Dakota  and  got  ’lected  t’ 
th’  legislature.  Pa  says  he  was  awful  green  and 
they  told  him  all  he’d  need  t’  do  was  t’  write  Mr. 
Jim  Hill  t’  let  him  know  he  was  there  and  he’d 
git  a railroad  pass.  So  Ole  writes,  ‘ Mester  Yim 
Hill,  Sen-ta  Pole:  Ay  ban  har  — Ole  Ensgaard,’ 
and  Mr.  Hill  writes  right  back:  ‘ Ay  ban  har,  too. 
— Yim  Hill.’  Uncle  Charley  Sparks,  he  says 
that  there’s  a stock  story.  Says  he’s  heard  it 
told  about  a thousand  differ’nt  fellers.  Ma  calls 
pa  and  Uncle  Charley  4 th’  arrival  wits.’  Says 
they’re  kinda  jealous  of  each  other. 

” Turn  over.” 


“ That  there’s  my  cousin,  Alvy  Burgstresser, 

weth  his  comet.  He  plays  in  th’  choir.  First 

time  pa  heard  ’m  he  says  when  he  come  home, 
‘ That  choir  ’ll  never  succeed  till  they  dehorn 
Alvy/  he  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  ma’s  brother-in-law,  Livingston  Bur- 
ney, out  t’  Kansas.  He’s  a doctor,  when  he 
ain’t  out  talkin’  politics,  which  ain’t  often.  He 
don’t  half  pervide  fer  his  fambly  and  onct  his 
boy  run  away  and  went  clean  t’  Chicago  to  my 
Aunt  Sarah’s  and  when  she  wrote  Burney  about 
it  he  sent  back  a sassy  letter,  sayin’,  ‘I’ll  have 
you  know,  madam,  that  I’m  th’  father  of  th’ 
pop ’list  party  in  Kansas.’  Aunt  Bade  set  right 
down  and  wrote  him  back,  ‘ If  you  ain’t  a 
better  father  t’  th’  party,’  she  says,  ‘ than  you’ve 
been  t’  this  boy,  the  party’s  in  a bad  way,’  she 
says.” 


“That’s  Mrs.  Bemrose  and  her  daughter, 
Lucreshy.  They  ust  t’  live  neighbors  t’  us,  but 
now  they’ve  moved  t’  Yates  City.  Mrs.  Bem- 
rose is  a daisy  musician.  You’d  jist  ort  t’  hear 
her  sing, 

“ 4 Oh,  th’  dirty  little  coward 

That  shot  Doctor  Howard 

And  laid  Jesse  James  in  his  grave.’  ” 


“ Them’s  Willie  and  Freddie  Sparks.  They 
was  cute  little  fellers  but  it’s  awful  t’  think 
th’  way  they  turned  out,  pa  says.  Willie’s  an 
editor  and  Freddie’s  a lawyer,  and  they  work 
together  jist  fine.  Willie  gits  into  trouble,  and 
Freddie,  he  gits  him  out.” 


“ Perfessor  Leander  Crabb,  that  is.  He's 
principal  of  th’  Ellumwood  high  school  and  he's 
a tumble  coffee  drinker  — two  quart  a day  when 
he  was  writin’  his  book,  4 Tokens  of  Hope,  or 
Is  This,  Then,  All?  ’ Pa,  he  read  th'  book 
through,  then  he  says,  ‘ Well,  I hope  it  is/  he 
says. 

“ Turn  over." 


“ Them’s  ma’s  cousin  Peter  and  his  wife  and 
baby,  down  t’  Beardstown.  He  ain’t  handsome 
but  he’s  an  awful  good  man.  Pa  says  onct 
Cousin  Pete  was  to  a party  where  there  was 
a game  t’  give  a prize  t’  th  one  what’d  make 
th’  homeliest  face,  and  th’  judge  walked  right 
over  t’  Pete  and  give  him  th’  prize,  and  Pete 
says,  supprised  like,  ‘ Why,  I ain’t  begun  yit,’ 
he  says.  I reckon  it  never  reely  happened;  jist 
one  of  pa’s  jokes,  I guess. 

* 4 Turn  over.” 


‘ f That’s  Cousin  Charlie  Freemantle  — pa’s 
cousin,  he  is.  He’s  a rollin’  stone  — first  one 
place,  then  another;  never  satisfied  and  never 
gittin’  nothin’  ahead.  He  ust  t’  be  alius  cornin’ 
’round  tellin’  where  he  was  goin’  next  and  what 
big  things  he  was  goin’ t’  do  when  he  got  there, 
till  ma  got  most  awful  tired  of  it  and  says  t’ 
him,  4 Charlie,’  she  says,  ‘ did  yuh  ever  reflect 
that  wherever  yuh  go  yuh  take  yerself  weth 
yuh?  ’ she  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Bundy.  He  was  a nice 
man  but  she’s  quarrelsomer  ’n  all  git  out.  Don’t 
she  look  jist  like  a settin’  hen?  Onct  when  Mr. 
Bundy  died  why  Mrs.  Prescott  that  moved  t’ 
Peory  she  wrote  Mrs.  Bundy  a real  nice  letter 
of  consolence,  I guess  it  is  yuh  call  it  — any- 
way, Mrs.  Bundy  fired  up,  quicker  ’n  a wink, 
and  says,  ‘ Uh-huh!  ’ she  says,  ‘ well,  that’s  all 
very  nice  but  it  don’t  pay  fer  that  there  spade 
and  waterin’  pot  them  Prescotts  borruhed  off 
’m  us  and  never  brung  back.  I’ll  learn  that 
tribe  they  can’t  soft-soap  me!  ’ she  says. 

“ Turn  over.” 


“ That’s  Bige  Turner.  He  ust  t’  work  in  th’ 
print  shop  fer  pa  and  he  certainly  was  a bad 
aig,  I want  yuh  t’  know.  Onct  he  slep’  out  on 
th’  sidewalk  in  front  of  th’  shop  all  night  and 
pa  took  and  tacked  his  clothes  down  all  around 
and  when  Bige  woke  up  next  day  he  tried  t’ 
git  up  and  couldn’t  and  it  scairt  him  most  t’ 
death  and  he  hollered,  ‘ Gosh!  help!  I’m  para- 
lyzed,’ he  says.  ‘ Oh,  no  yuh  ain’t,  Bige,’  pa 
says,  4 but  you  was  yisteddy.’ 

“ Turn  over.” 


44  That’s  Aunt  Min,  pa’s  sister,  when  she  was 
a girl.  She  was  awful  good  lookin’  — is  yet,  fer 
that  matter.  But  she  ain’t  never  been  no  house- 
keeper. Onct  pa  picked  up  a shirt  she’d  been 
mendin’  and  took  a look  at  it  and  says,  4 I’d 
hate  like  thunder  t’  have  t’  reap  as  Min  sews,’ 
he  says. 

44  Turn  over.” 


HMMh M 

tiNMM 

m 


P|m 


— 


■',vr 


“ And  that’s  pa,  put  in  last  fer  * a Garrison 
finish,’  as  he  says,  whatever  that  means.  Hon- 
est, now,  he  don’t  look  a bit  like  you  thought 
he  would,  does  he?  But  you  could  tell  he  was 
a wit,  though,  couldn’t  yuh?  Jist  look  at  them 
little,  shrewd  eyes!  This  pitchure  was  took 
when  he  was  editor  of  th’  Argus,  before  he  made 
his  money  out  of  land  and  insurance.  One  time, 
while  he  was  editin’,  a publisher  sent  him  an 
adver-tise-ment  of  a book  that  told  all  about  how 
V run  a newspaper  and  pa  he  set  right  down 
and  wrote  ’m  back  they  might  as  well  try  t’  sell 
a book  of  travels  t’  th’  Wanderin’  Jew. 

4 4 That’s  all  — and  there’s  ma  a-comin’  up  th’ 
walk.  We  got  a bigger  album  ’n  this  ’n  up- 
stairs, som’ers,  though.  Come  over  some  time 
and  I’ll  show  yuh  that  ’n. 

“ Tah-tah!  See  yuh  later.” 


Wmmm 


t 


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